Wednesday, October 22, 2014

It's gonna be an Aspie Day....

My husband had the day off today! After the long weekend he worked last weekend, he needed it. And I was looking forward to a nice family day of rest and just being together -- after school, of course.

Well, it didn't end up quite as serene as I concocted in my head. Within just a few minutes of waking up, I realized today was going to be an Aspie Day.

What is an Aspie Day? Well, it involves multiple meltdowns for no apparent reason. It involves insane amounts of "baby talk" that makes my skin crawl. It involves noises instead of words. It involves multiple 7 minute time outs for trying to hurt me by scratching, biting, hitting, kicking, head butting, etc. It involves screaming at the top of her lungs. It involves looking me dead in the eye and saying "NO!" to something I've asked her to do. It involves demanding a banana because she doesn't want to brush her teeth and then sitting at the counter screaming "BANANA!!!!!!" over and over and over. It involves having to hold her head while my husband holds her hands so that I can brush her teeth.

And more. All day long. It's so tiring. And so emotionally draining.

But today I was able to keep my cool and not get angry. To God be the Glory!

Tuesday, October 7, 2014

I've found my HAPPY PLACE

I started this blog as an outlet. And it was great to begin with. Then I forgot about it. And I started going downhill. That's not to say that the blog helps me stay uphill, but it sure is therapeutic. The idea of saying my feelings to an unknown void is both terrifying and exhilarating! And it's free therapy. (But I still love you, Stephanie!!!) (<--- she's my therapist!)

Anyway. The past few weeks have been eventful. Prior to Oct 1, I had been going through so much inner turmoil that I was sincerely thinking of admitting myself to a psych ward for the sole reason of a getaway covered by insurance. Looking back, that *should* sound crazy. It still doesn't. However, I went with this instead:

This, my friends, is CoCoCay, Bahamas. It's Royal Caribbean's private island and is now my "happy place". When I told Robert of my very serious intentions of calling a psych ward, he finally listened to my not-so-quiet cries for help and we bought very last minute tickets to go on a weekend cruise. (Last minute as in bought tickets Wednesday, left Thursday to drive to Port Canaveral, set sail Friday). It was probably THE BEST thing I've done for myself in a VERY long time.  

First off, my husband listened to my cries! And didn't make a big deal about the fact that we have no money for this! For the first time in a long time, I actually felt like I meant more than money. THAT was an amazing feeling in and of itself!

Second, the weekend was about me and my husband. Do you know how long it's been since we went out together - alone - to just a simple dinner?! Vacations alone have NEVER happened! Shoot, vacations never happen! When you're a mom, and you take kids with you, it's not a vacation. It's simply moving your reality from one location to another. I needed a real vacation. And this was it. And it was wonderful!!! I snorkeled for 3 hours one day! I LOVE snorkeling!!! 

Third, here I had my chance to decompress. My feelings leading up to this getaway were all over the map. Anger, frustration, sadness, depression, overwhelming stress.....okay, so it's really just one area of the map. But they were there in intense amounts and it got to be too much. This little getaway gave me the rest and perspective that I needed to come back home and manage life again. 

Has it been unicorns and roses since I got home? Ha! The face that you even ask that question makes me laugh! BUT it's been easier to deal with. My batteries have been recharged and I have some reserve again. Not much, but more than I did!!!

This weekend was one that I will NEVER forget and will be forever grateful to my husband for allowing.